Bot Me.

Check out my sexy robot! Click on the link for the flash version. (hint: She might dance for you!)

A Strange Feeling

I really do not have much to say other than:

1) I am too old for this no sleep, social calendar thing that I seem to be partaking in lately.

2) It’s not like I haven’t been doing this school thing for the past 16 years of my life, and yet this first day of school feels so foreign.  I almost feel like I have been out in the real world for years, and I am returning to this college thing as a veteran adult, looking at the younglings like I don’t quite fit in.  Or perhaps it’s just because I am sitting in the business school where I very obviously don’t fit in. Maybe the universe will realign itself when I am visiting the usual buildings that I have frequented in the past.

My Future House. Get Your Own.

Welcome to my future home, luxuriously furnished with natural light, black brick, quartz, and exquisitely impeccable taste.

 

Care to see the inside? Be my guest.

 

 

If you would like to know more about my beautiful future home, please ask my dear architect friend over at The Pompomist (from whom I stole this post about the Ordos 100 project).

The Greg & Joe Music Video

A kick ass and laugh-your-ass-off parody by my dear friends Greg and Joe, along with a special cameo from Tommy:

EM-ARE-EYE

So tomorrow I will be getting an MRI, having an MRI, undergoing an MRI…whatever. The point is me=MRI tomorrow for participation credit in a PSYC study, researching who knows what.  Especially since a scan of the inside of my brain will produce two possible results:

1) Revealing little aliens operating my body from inside my brain, just waiting for the perfect moment to burst out and take over the world. (This could explain the Pinky and the Brain thing-don’t worry, it’s a YouTube reference)

2) A single, lone tumbleweed.

Pawn Shop #1: This One is for Fred…

Before I get into a juicy pawn shop (or thrift store, when I feel like cheating) breakdown, let me just say how much I love Los Angeles.  People watching is never boring in the Hollywood side of town, and there are more odd shops, pawn shops, and even Russian Souvenir (soon to be reviewed!) shops than I could ever hope to explore.  California may be the Golden State, but Los Angeles is certainly the Eclectic City.

Now then, your favorite pawn shop investigator and mall speed dater sure got her hands dirty (literally) today.  Our first stop of this series is Out of the Closet, a thrift store chain benefiting AIDS treatment and care.  You know, that big thrift store on Fairfax north of The Grove.  I bet you have seen it while driving past hundreds of times…but have you ever gone inside?

Honestly, the best feature was the parking located in the back.  Beyond the advantage of convenient parking, this thrift shop did not have many appealing assets.  The furniture was few in number (and altogether undesirable), and the books revealed little redemption.  Sketchy looking clothing for both men and women seemed to be the focal point of the thrift store, hoarding most of the floor on the scary racks of the unknown.  Actually, the scary part was the dressing rooms, or should I say, graciously provided cloth closets-i.e. a small room in the middle of the store made from a sheet that did not hang all the way to the ground.  It might have also had a revealing crack or two, but I was too frightened to look.  Nudity was not a part of the deal when I devised this series. 

The electronics were present in the masses, though not surprisingly; where else would you sell/get rid of them?  The resale value of a used electronic rivals that of a used tissue, which would actually be quite useful because, as I mentioned before, the place was not too clean.  My hands became quite black after searching through the most promising loot of the building-the vinyl. 

In fact after what seemed like forever, I finally claimed my conquest, a small little gem among the piles of rubbish, and for the grand price of …one dollar.  Hey, I never said the prices were bad.

I even managed to sneak in a small “speed dating” snippet, though not really, when one of the workers at the thrift shop decided to be not-so-smooth about hitting on me.  As I was sifting through the small collection of vinyl and he was returning men’s clothes to their hangers, the conversation went something like this…

Guy: Hey, excuse me. Does this look like women’s or men’s? (holds up a women’s sweater)
Me: Uh, women’s. (weird, quizzical look)
Guy: Oh, thanks.  Hey, you must be a DJ too.
Me: Nope. Just looking.
Guy: Oh. (pauses…for a long time) Hey do you know what sea monkeys are?
Me: No. (even larger weird, quizzical look)
Guy: Oh, well you probably think I am strange (yes I do), but I am not. Really, let me show you what I am talking about so you don’t think I am crazy. (but I already do, as he runs off to some secret part of the store and then returns with some “insta-grow sea monkey aquarium set”)  See what I mean? Crazy huh?
Me: That’s ridiculous.

So what did I learn from today’s little outing?

#1) Bring hand wipes/sanitizer to next pawn shop (and maybe mall speed dating outings as well).
#2) I should probably consider being slightly nicer if I want this whole mall speed dating thing to be a success (and by success I do not mean land a boyfriend. No. NO. NO. NO! NO!)

What should you learn from my experience? If you plan on visiting Out of the Closet, save your money or spend it at Family Books and/or Canter’s instead.

But hey, at least the shop had a cute pet! 

New Assignment

In case you have not already noticed, I blog and edit for AngeLingo, a USC literary and academic online publication.  So yeah…to catch you up on my latest adventures:

With the new year, I have settled on a fresh blog topic of “Mall Speed Dating and Pawn Shops” for your reading pleasure. This semester, in order to make you a more informed Angeleno, I will be scouring the streets for tasty pawn shops hiding precious treasures and delectable jewels. I will be searching high and low from Silver Lake to perhaps even Orange County just to find for you the most outrageous pawn shop owner or manager, full of colorful stories just bursting to be told. I might even squeeze in a 10 minute speed date at a local mall, just to keep things interesting. Drop by the Beverly Center, and who knows, I just might go on a date with you…

Mad Hatter

It has now become official: Urbandictionary.com has killed my dreams, betrayed me, and permanently crippled my preferred vocabulary.  I can no longer flippantly and obsessively rely on the term “mad hatter” at my convenience for describing any trippy, psychedelic, or curious observations.  Truly I have relied on the phrase far too extensively; however, I do not appreciate now having to go cold turkey off the term.
  

Or perhaps I should blame the urban public and its constant alterations of contextual meanings.   So many common words in the English language have acquired so many different vernacular meanings, all entirely unrelated to their proper denotations, that even natively speaking English-folk can no longer properly and efficiently communicate.  Notice the subtle difference between “the shit” and “is shit”.  Since when does “deface” pertain to an online action rather than a physical show of disrespect, i.e. destroying with intention?  No, no.  “Deface” means to defriend someone on Facebook.
 

Wait.  Did I just use a previously non-existent word (defriend) and misuse the word friend?  You see, the term friend at one time applied to a person known extremely well and considered loyal, fun, and dependable.  However, with the dawn of Facebook, the term has been devalued to mere “acquaintance” or “person convenient to make me look popular like I have, like a ton of friends”.
 

But I digress.  This pertains to “mad hatter”.  Once such an inspiring character, full of endless literary opportunities, the term now flatly refers to a hand job.  Actually, a bad hand job.  Not even a good one.  In fact the hand job in question, of course called a mad hatter, goes something like this according to Urban Dictionary: “A poorly performed handjob. Usually by a girl who says she is experienced. Yet, in actuality, she jerks you off like a crazed sea dragon.”  I myself, as a chick, have never received a “hand job” nonetheless a bad one; however, I can see where the crazed sea dragon would be somewhat of a turn off.
 

If this were not a horrid enough redefining of my precious, ALAS! Urban Dictionary has provided yet another defacement of the term:

“In this situation, a man would be in the process of getting head from his Partner, while he is standing and she is on her knees. Right before ejaculation the man would pull out, cum in her eyes, sit on top of her head and drop a deuce.

Last night I picked up this ho at the club and when she was giving me head I pulled off a mad hatter.”

See this is the maddening part of it all, the term “mad hatter” is not even necessary for this situation.  This event already has a name-”Blumpkins”.  Also, a beauty of the English language: numerous and never-ending supplies of words, all to describe the same phenomenon.
 

Yes, I realize Urban Dictionary does not fully deserve the blame.  The convergence of all languages helped form the English language, thus providing multiple words with the same meaning.  This I know.  I also know that pop culture leads to references that lend to the rewriting of pages and pages within our dictionary bible.  Did you like my aforementioned “my precious” reference?  Lord of the Rings has officially contributed to our language, our vernacular; however, I must note that the definitions provided on Urban Dictionary for this term are shoddy at best.
 

Nevertheless, for one cause or for all, the term “mad hatter” has become stricken from my vocabulary archives for fear of a misinterpretation.  Contextual clues do not always save the day, especially when the phrase is employed in a vague manner, as I usually intend.  Nor does the typical accompanying of sarcasm. 
 

Let it be known that I refer not to a blumpkin when I say that Urban Dictionary and our modern tailoring of the English language have some mad hatter connotations.

 

 

 

 

Bored? Yeah Me Too.

Top Ten Craig’s List Postings of the Moment (in no particular order):

WARNING: Links are definitely not G rated.

1) http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/msr/828133553.html

2) http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/msr/824352426.html

3) http://losangeles.craigslist.org/sgv/msr/823926051.html

4) http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/rnr/828150678.html

5) http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/rnr/828097746.html

6) http://losangeles.craigslist.org/ant/rnr/828043783.html

7) http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/rnr/828018281.html

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/ant/rnr/828000810.html

9) http://losangeles.craigslist.org/wst/msr/827241101.html

10) http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/rnr/828135991.html

A Comical Burn: Seconds

For those Guitar Hero and Rock Band fans…

The next step: playing the actual songs on actual instruments.

Comic from xkcd.