Brits and Americans Clash Over Slash

 

Rolling Stone, America’s Rock n’ Roll magazine, kicks out its high and mighty top [insert arbitrary number here] lists on every category imaginable-classifying, quantifying, and qualifying things barely tangible enough to be ranked-pertaining to the music industry (and popular culture and politics).  A moderately current list of note is Rolling Stone’s “The 100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time”.  

Now forget the current lack of credibility floating around Rolling Stone’s aura, and forget the obvious criticism concerning this list.  Simply focus on the exclusion of Slash, a.k.a a certain Mr. Saul Hudson.  Let us also ponder on the fact that the term “guitar slinger”, or even “legendary guitar slinger”, was practically coined specifically for this man.  My bias aside, even non-rocker-musically-ignorant-extra-terrestrials know that the name Slash belongs to a talented and widely respected guitarist; this reputation alone should have at least afforded Slash the ninety-ninth percentile.  Let me remind you, he was not number thirty, not fifty, nor eighty-two.  He was not ninety-nine.  Rolling Stone, for whatever reason, completely and entirely slashed him from the history of rock, guitars, and … Oh and I forgot to mention, he also has his own guitar line.

 

A list in which Slash HAS been included: The second subcategory of the first definition for “slash” in the Urban Dictionary.  Glad that is settled.  Oh wait, never mind because also within the category of “slash”, rounding out number six, reads the following British-English definition:

Urinate (chiefly British)
“I’m dying for a slash, but there’s a line for the bog.”

Ignoring the “bog” and diving straight in for the “slash”…peeing?  Really?  No, not enough terms for urinating exist; let us add a few more.  Because PISS, PEE, URINATE, DRAIN THE LIZZARD, et cetera are not sufficient.

Sadly the body’s balancing of water and electrolytes and the legendary musician battle it out throughout the numerous definitions listed.  Long live the contributor who wrote:

“Slash f***ing ROCKS! When he’s on stage playing his Gibson Les Paul guitar with a cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth – you can see true Rock N’ Roll right in front of your eyes!”

Thus, next time you see Slash walking down Sunset Boulevard, stop and give him a hug.  He seems to be experiencing difficulty and harsh times, failing to win over the hearts of American magazines and the British vernacular.   

P.S.  Jack White stuck at number seventeen?  Weak-he too deserves a boost.  Not that I am biased or anything.

 

Benedict Metallica

Creating much controversy across the internet, Metallica have suggested in an interview with Rolling Stone that they might follow the lead of Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails and embrace the music download culture.  After downplaying the band’s helping hand as RIAA spy or “tool” by suing Napster, drummer Lars Ulrich discusses how the Metallica members have been watching the two bands’ methods and hope to pursue “possibilities with the internet” sometime in the future. 

Basically, Lars Ulrich and Metallica are running scared.

Many music enthusiasts, still sore over the Metallica vs. Napster ordeal, claim that if and when the band releases songs in the “pay what you want” fashion, they will refuse to pay for the music.  While this debate ensues, the pertinent issue is not if consumers will refuse to pay for Metallica music because of their past stance on illegal and legal music downloading; the obvious factor resides in the part of the interview less travelled: Ulrich reveals that Metallica’s upcoming album release will be produced by Rick Rubin.

Of course consumers will not be paying for the next Metallica album.  Remember when Linkin Park made good music?  Yeah, that was before Rubin and Minutes to Midnight.  Rubin’s musical tainting may be genius in other genres and seems to be a hit and miss with Red Hot Chili Peppers and System of a Down (Rage Against the Machine equals brilliance regardless of producer), but Linkin Park bombed and Velvet Revolver knew better.

Rick Rubin should remain in his mainstream-pop genre, and Metallica should return to their roots, focusing on becoming once again a relevant band in the metal realm, and perhaps even a relevant band that embraces and utilizes music downloading.