10. I can whine about mid 80s temperatures100 degree weather and not be pummeled (in both the physical and verbal sense) by the eavesdropping public.
9 1/2. Prostitutes are generally indistinguishable from the rest, or rather a large portion of the normal female population is generally indistinguishable from prostitutes… guilty.
9. It’s 50/50 whether she is his date or his daughter…
8 1/2. We are the melting pot of the US melting pot… just divided into various districts and subcultures. Little Ethiopia anyone?
8. The street signs in the neighborhood actually say “Little Ethiopia.” (That’s right, LA is legit.)
7. We can drive (but we fly) to Vegas.
6. ANYONE wearing large sunglasses and red lipstick in Hollywood or Beverly Hills is a magnet for tourists and cameras.
5. Gay Pride, Bitches!
4 1/2. Other cities: OMG IT’S A FILM CREW! DO YOU SEE ANY MOVIE STARS?!? WHAT ARE THEY FILMING!?!? OMG I DON’T KNOW WHO THEY ARE, BUT I WANT THEIR AUTOGRAPHS!
Los Angeles: FUCK FILMING, AGAIN!?!? HERE’S TAKING ANOTHER DETOUR…
4. Other cities: OMG I SAW ON TMZ LAST NIGHT, BRITNEY SPEARS TOTALLY RAN OVER A GUY’S FOOT! THAT’S LIKE SOO CRAZY!
Los Angeles: FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! MY FOOT!
3. Yellow traffic lights actually do mean speed up.
2. Los Angeles people aren’t snobbish like San Francisco “Northern California People.” Though we may eat 100% organic, we are 100% FAKE, and we don’t give a damn about it.
1. Los Angeles is an addiction, the greatest love/hate relationship of all time.
1) I am too old for this no sleep, social calendar thing that I seem to be partaking in lately.
2) It’s not like I haven’t been doing this school thing for the past 16 years of my life, and yet this first day of school feels so foreign. I almost feel like I have been out in the real world for years, and I am returning to this college thing as a veteran adult, looking at the younglings like I don’t quite fit in. Or perhaps it’s just because I am sitting in the business school where I very obviously don’t fit in. Maybe the universe will realign itself when I am visiting the usual buildings that I have frequented in the past.
Welcome to my future home, luxuriously furnished with natural light, black brick, quartz, and exquisitely impeccable taste.
Care to see the inside? Be my guest.
If you would like to know more about my beautiful future home, please ask my dear architect friend over at The Pompomist (from whom I stole this post about the Ordos 100 project).
So tomorrow I will be getting an MRI, having an MRI, undergoing an MRI…whatever. The point is me=MRI tomorrow for participation credit in a PSYC study, researching who knows what. Especially since a scan of the inside of my brain will produce two possible results:
1) Revealing little aliens operating my body from inside my brain, just waiting for the perfect moment to burst out and take over the world. (This could explain the Pinky and the Brain thing-don’t worry, it’s a YouTube reference)
So apparently the Facebook spam “ 25 things you thought you wanted to know about me (but don’t)” has inevitably arrived at my proverbial doorstep–twice actually. And while I am sure that I consist of far more than 25 idiosyncrasies, the stubborn smart-ass within requires me to not participate in this little chain. Nevertheless, I will publish the most current list of my 10 life goals, i.e. things that I will accomplish sometime in the hopefully not-so-distant future.
Live at The Lofts @ Hollywood and Vine
Live in Baden Baden, Germany
Stay for an extended time in one of the private bungalows at the Bellagio
Own a rear-engine car, i.e. a Ferrari or the new Audi
Novel(s) published
Poems published
Work as an editor of a magazine, i.e. Flaunt or something similar
Before I get into a juicy pawn shop (or thrift store, when I feel like cheating) breakdown, let me just say how much I love Los Angeles. People watching is never boring in the Hollywood side of town, and there are more odd shops, pawn shops, and even Russian Souvenir (soon to be reviewed!) shops than I could ever hope to explore. California may be the Golden State, but Los Angeles is certainly the Eclectic City.
Now then, your favorite pawn shop investigator and mall speed dater sure got her hands dirty (literally) today. Our first stop of this series is Out of the Closet, a thrift store chain benefiting AIDS treatment and care. You know, that big thrift store on Fairfax north of The Grove. I bet you have seen it while driving past hundreds of times…but have you ever gone inside?
Honestly, the best feature was the parking located in the back. Beyond the advantage of convenient parking, this thrift shop did not have many appealing assets. The furniture was few in number (and altogether undesirable), and the books revealed little redemption. Sketchy looking clothing for both men and women seemed to be the focal point of the thrift store, hoarding most of the floor on the scary racks of the unknown. Actually, the scary part was the dressing rooms, or should I say, graciously provided cloth closets-i.e. a small room in the middle of the store made from a sheet that did not hang all the way to the ground. It might have also had a revealing crack or two, but I was too frightened to look. Nudity was not a part of the deal when I devised this series.
The electronics were present in the masses, though not surprisingly; where else would you sell/get rid of them? The resale value of a used electronic rivals that of a used tissue, which would actually be quite useful because, as I mentioned before, the place was not too clean. My hands became quite black after searching through the most promising loot of the building-the vinyl.
In fact after what seemed like forever, I finally claimed my conquest, a small little gem among the piles of rubbish, and for the grand price of …one dollar. Hey, I never said the prices were bad.
I even managed to sneak in a small “speed dating” snippet, though not really, when one of the workers at the thrift shop decided to be not-so-smooth about hitting on me. As I was sifting through the small collection of vinyl and he was returning men’s clothes to their hangers, the conversation went something like this…
Guy: Hey, excuse me. Does this look like women’s or men’s? (holds up a women’s sweater)
Me: Uh, women’s. (weird, quizzical look)
Guy: Oh, thanks. Hey, you must be a DJ too.
Me: Nope. Just looking.
Guy: Oh. (pauses…for a long time) Hey do you know what sea monkeys are?
Me: No. (even larger weird, quizzical look)
Guy: Oh, well you probably think I am strange (yes I do), but I am not. Really, let me show you what I am talking about so you don’t think I am crazy. (but I already do, as he runs off to some secret part of the store and then returns with some “insta-grow sea monkey aquarium set”) See what I mean? Crazy huh?
Me: That’s ridiculous.
So what did I learn from today’s little outing?
#1) Bring hand wipes/sanitizer to next pawn shop (and maybe mall speed dating outings as well).
#2) I should probably consider being slightly nicer if I want this whole mall speed dating thing to be a success (and by success I do not mean land a boyfriend. No. NO. NO. NO! NO!)
What should you learn from my experience? If you plan on visiting Out of the Closet, save your money or spend it at Family Books and/or Canter’s instead.
